Well, let's look at the bright side: If I would have told you that Chicago Cubs owner Tom Ricketts was going to dress up in a ridiculous costume commonly found in the Wrigley Field stands and some fans would later be mad, you would have just assumed he'd be apologizing to Kosuke Fukudome later. Yes, it's all about small victories these days over here on the North Side. 

So have at it, amateur Internet copy editors of the world. How should this caption read?

Follow the jump for winners from the last C-a-C, featuring Boston's owners:

Red Sox owners take refuge in the Green Monster

1st — Samuel. "OMG, it's Manny's pregnancy tests!"

2nd — halls4u. "Owners scout possible locations for Damon statue."

3rd — Matt. "We've got the Patriots on in the owners' lounge, come on in."

HM — andrewscott448. "Well Tom, what'd you expect? We are in a recession."

If this were a perfect world, the Houston Astros would be entering September with a slate full of important dates against contenders like the Padres, Giants, Phillies and Braves.

Instead, they're looking at a schedule full of has-been and never-were teams just like their own selves. Only the Reds stand out among the sea of Cubs, Pirates and Nats, but the recent 'Stros sweep over the St. Louis Cardinals has almost pushed that Sept. 17-19 matchup to almost being meaningless.  

So it looks like the Astros will have to settle for our simple praise for not rolling over when facing the Cardinals and Philadelphia Phillies the past two weeks. The Astros were a perfect 7-0 against the contenders, throwing a decent-sized wrench into their playoff plans. 

And it looks like we'll have to look toward other basement-dwellers to give managers the sinking feeling that former Astros skip Larry Dierker recalls from his days as a contender:

I remember that feeling from my days in dugout. I was fearful about losing to the Pirates or Brewers in September. On the one hand, it was an opportunity because we had more talent. But on the other, we felt like we had to win every game against them, because the rest of our games were with better teams. 

So which teams out there could play big spoiler roles in the final month? I have two potential picks, one for both the American and National League.

In the NL, there's the Los Angeles Dodgers, who are nine games back in the NL West and 7 1/2 behind the Phillies in the NL wild card. They might be motivated by their longshot odds and have six games apiece against the Giants, Padres and the Rockies.  

In the AL, the Royals have six games left against the Twins, three against the White Sox and a four-game set against Tampa Bay to end the season. Zack Greinke always has the potential to turn a series and the Royals will have plenty of guys trying to earn roles for next season. (If only Mike Moustakas were getting his callup this September.)

There are, of course, a few other teams that could make an impact in their already-decided seasons. Baltimore, Cleveland, Washington. Which one (or ones) do you think will play that role?

The San Diego Padres lost their seventh straight game Wednesday night and, even though they still lead the NL West by four games in the loss column, Joe Posnanski fears the worst for Adrian Gonzalez (helmet) and manager Bud Black.

Though he praises the Friars for their solid starting pitching, their solid defense and their ridiculous lockdown bullpenitentiary, Poz is still not sure how the team with the No. 21 offense in the majors had the best record in the NL until last week.

Choosing to not mince words, Posnanski went and compared the first-place Padres to a recent squad from his hometown team, the Kansas City Royals.

Losing seven straight in a pennant race is bad, but there's no need for slurs, sir!

Via Joe Po's Curiously Long Posts:

In 2003, the Kansas City Royals were in first place until the end of August. The thing that made it wonderful and baffling all at once is that nobody was quite sure how they were doing it. It was like a magic trick. I was watching them every single day, and I had no idea how it was done. Only, it really wasn't like a magic trick. At a Vegas magic show, when you don't know how something is done you think, "This guy's is a great magician." In baseball, when you don't know how something is done you think, "Oh boy, this ain't gonna last."

Posnanski's opinion is probably uniform with most of America, which has been waiting on the Great San Diego Collapse since May. And then June. Later, July. Into August. And everything after.

Speaking of the Counting Crows, the headline of Posnanski's post — "The Padres and a Long September" — recalls one of their hits, "A Long December."

But here's the thing about "A Long December": It's actually an optimistic tune.

Aside from "Mr. Jones," most Counting Crows tend to be good musical companions for the apocalypse. "December," though sad-sounding, has an upbeat lyric right out of the batter's box.

A long December, and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last.

Poz sees a seven-game losing streak, notices the San Francisco Giants and Colorado Rockies circling, and wonders if it's the end.

I see a seven-game losing streak and marvel that it took this long. Baseball seasons feel interminable. The Padres gave us 4 3/4 months of winning baseball. It's just a slump. I'm aligning myself with their body of work over five months.

They play 17 of their remaining 30 games at PETCO. They play 13 times against the Giants and the Rockies — so they control their own fate. They're healthy. They're relatively young. They can do this.

One of the commenters on Posnanski's post made a simply brilliant point: These Padres are less the '03 Royals (a mediocre team in a bad division) and more like the '85 Royals. Those guys had the best pitching in baseball, a suspect offense led by one superstar (George Brett/Adrian Gonzalez) and a certain obnoxious winning way about them. Few believed in the '85 Royals, either.

Look at some of the other similarities:

Scrappy infielder quotient — Buddy Biancalana: David Eckstein.

Strange first-name infielder quotient — Onix Concepcion: Everth Cabrera.

Ital-i-ans — Steve Balboni: Chris Denorfia.

Aces missing a "T" — Bret Saberhagen: Mat Latos.

Kookie Closers — Dan Quisenberry: Heath Bell.

And, of course — Bud Black (LHP): Bud Black (manager).

It IS, eerie, Commenter Mike Williams. Seeing Brett hug Saberhagen (pictured) brings it all home. That could be Gonzalez and Latos a month from now.

That was the column. I think the Padres will give Posnanski another chance to write it.

* * *

Follow Dave on Twitter — @AnswerDave

Is this real footage from a Japanese network's call of the Nyjer Morgan fight? Of course it isn't, new guys over at Awful Announcing.

Still, this melding is all kinds of awesome. How do you say "clothesline" in Japanese?

Big BLS H/N: @joecapmarlins