In his latest effort to try and get the public to stop thinking his team is comprised of terrible human beings, new France manager Laurent Blanc is urging his team to sing the national anthem before their Euro qualifier against Belarus on Friday. The goal, of course, is to prove that they actually care about the team, the country and everything that isn't themselves and not just standing there stone-faced mannequins (or waving to the cameras). 

Says Blanc (via the AP):

“I have personally encouraged the players to sing the Marseillaise because I was practically certain some of them didn’t know the words,” Blanc said on Thursday. “I think they will know the words to sing it now, but everyone’s free to do what they want. They know my way of thinking, though: if you know the national anthem of your country it’s preferable to sing it.

“I don’t have many opportunities to sing it. I admit I don’t sing it under the shower,” Blanc added. “But when you are representing your country—and God knows when you play for the national team you are—it’s a pleasure to sing it.”

So there are no excuses now. Everyone has been given the lyrics and publicly prodded to sing their hearts out. Whoever doesn't is going to look like a total jerkface. Best clear those pipes, boys. 

All the stuff being covered outside the unfriendly confines of the award-winning Dirty Tackle...

To celebrate the club's centenary, Nike helpfully reminds us why you should never mess with a Corinthians fan. And that they apparently like to say "bro" a lot.  [Original Winger]

Pele as a comedian. [Run of Play]

Government announces controversial plans to shut down northern rumor mills. [The Gaffer]

The new England kit. Look at the shoulders. [Umbro Flickr]

Russia World Cup bid chief makes excuses for racism. [MFUSA]

Welcoming the Van der Vaarts to London. [Kickette]

Bulgaria want the ref to keep an eye on Rooney. [Telegraph]

How bookmakers are policing Russian football. [Football Ramble]

Rohan Ricketts explains why Moldova is better than MLS. [Sabotage Times]

Top 10 Marmite players. [Pies]

Davey Becks returning to the Galaxy next week. [MLS Insider]

Dirk Kuyt scares children. [Studs Up]

Like Stephen Ireland before him, Benjani isn't pleased with being unceremoniously dumped by Man City for more expensive and just straight up more players. And now that he's completed his move to Blackburn, he's eager to affirm all the stereotypes about his former club.

From the Telegraph:

Asked what it was like to be at City when they were spending so much money, Benjani said: ''It sounds great, but in football money is not everything.

''What is needed is people who can hang around and love you to be there.

''Sometimes you are loved to be there because of money, which is not good. I would prefer to be here without having all those facilities, be happy and trust everyone around you.''

Asked if he thought some players at City were interested in money more than anything else, Benjani said: ''Yes, it seemed like that and behind the scenes, there is no trust.

''I would prefer to play for a club where you are being trusted and you trust everyone around you.''

And then Big Sam stole his wallet.

Seriously though, while there probably is a healthy mix of sour grapes behind Benjani's comments, it seems he's forgetting that Premier League clubs are businesses and not groups of BFFs out for a kick about. Still, if this sentiment pervades among Man City's current players and not just their former players, they'll be forced to change their approach just as fast as they enacted it. 

Photo: Getty Images

Piggyback rides! Weeeeeee!

Yes, instead of preparing for their Euro 2012 qualifier against Liechtenstein on Friday, the defending European champs and new world champs did this. And I'm assuming this is all they did, aside from maybe playing duck-duck-goose or drawing pictures of each other on the track with sidewalk chalk. 

When you're that good, you're that good. 

Photo: RFEF.es; Thanks to @Addy_road for the tip!

Erik Hamren

Really nervous for some reason. ... Think I might pass out. ... Gotta keep my cool. ... Gotta keep smiling. ... Maybe -- maybe if I throw up some gang signs it will relax me? ... Yes, it's working! The gang signs are working! ... Hahaha I feel so happy! ... Just keep doing the gang signs and everything will be OK. ... I feel like Snoop Dogg...

Fernando Torres

Finally got a goal. See? My adult man hair isn't cursed at all. ... Gonna say my prayers and then rest my freckles. ... Dear Lord, thank you again for Spain winning the World Cup even though you made me play awful and injured my hamstring just before we won. Thank you for my friend Steven Gerrard and his favorite musician, Phil Collins. Thank you for monkeys. Thank you for my family. And thank you for one day condemning George Gillett and Tom Hicks to a fiery, unthinkably painful eternity, where they will be stabbed by demons over and over forever. Amen. ... And now, time for more dream adventures of Fernando Gingerbread. Dun-na-na!...

Ruud van Nistelrooy

GET IN MY MOUTH

Didier Drogba

The disgraces! ... First, Thomas Sorenson didn't let us score six goals again. Total f***ing disgrace. ... Then, Chelsea didn't sell Kalou or his stupid cat, Katou, before the transfer window closed, leaving him here to annoy me and spill things on my carpet for at least another four months. Absolute f***ing disgrace. ... Then, Kitier Katba gave me a nasty look when I asked him to change his own kitty litter. Insubordinate f***ing disgrace! ... Then, I bite my tongue while eating a burger. Extremely painful f***ing disgrace! ... Then, there were those times those two bald referees who probably put diabetes in people's drinking water cheated us out of the Champions League. That...that was a...

Photos: Getty

We've seen throw-ins to the face before. Much more painful throw-ins to the face. But this one from a women's Bundesliga match between Potsdam and Frankfurt isn't a flip throw and was a little more up close and personal. It also wasn't really a throw-in since Potsdam's Tabea Kemme was obviously just looking to smack Kerstin Garafrekes in the face with the ball. Kemme was sent off for the offense and probably won't be handling throw-in duties when she returns. 

Rino Gattuso is worried. No, not that there isn't enough raw meat for him to devour or brick walls to bust through. He's worried that Italy doesn't have enough good players. As he sees it, there are only three.

From Football Italia:

“The problem is that you can count talented players on your fingers in Italy: Balotelli, perhaps Giovinco and Cassano is no longer 20.

“They blame the foreigners, but there are other Leagues who have many more foreigners than ours.”

So, that's one genuinely talented player, one maybe and one who's getting old. Apparently, Rino doesn't really rate the likes of Giampaolo Pazzini, Riccardo Montolivo and Daniele De Rossi (who he does point out is a "born leader," though). But it's hard to argue his point. Italy hardly seems to have replacements for the stars it had four years ago.

I think that means it's time for Gattuso to start biting people.  

Photo: Getty Images

It's been several weeks now since Maradona was dismissed as coach of Argentina, giving him time to reflect on all that has happened and start to plot his next, highly entertaining move. Or, ignore phone calls and hold grudges.

Says Argentina's caretaker manager Sergio Batista (via Goal.com):

"I called him twice, not for technical issues on the team or related to the players, but to see how he was, but I received no response from his side," Batista is quoted as saying by El Mundo.

"I have no problem with Maradona or any other coach of Argentina. I would like to meet with every one them to exchange views and Diego is one more of them. The professional matters did not interest me when I called, because that would be for another time. But for the personal, human side, yes [I sought to speak to him]."

Even though Batista wasn't the one who ousted him from the job, in Maradona defense, who really wants to have a chat with the guy who replaced them in a gig they didn't want to give up? Maybe, like, eight people in the whole world would want to do that. And, clearly, Maradona isn't one of them.

Batista should really be thankful that Maradona isn't the one calling him. At two in the morning, making pterodactyl sounds and speaking dead languages. Because that is frightening. 

Photo: Getty Images

Philipp Lahm made it clear that he wasn't going to voluntarily give up the German captaincy that was given to him in the wake of the injury that kept Michael Ballack out of the World Cup. Ballack then promised to give him a talking to about the "hierarchies" of these things. Now, manager Jogi Loew has decided that the armband will revert back to Ballack once he's fully fit, which probably made Ballack smile exactly like you see above.

When Ballack does finally return to the national team, he'll want to be careful, though. Lahm has already proven that he's willing to go in hard on his teammates in training and as the vice captain, he knows that he's one snap away from getting the armband back. 

In other international captaincy news, Mark van Bommel has been given the honor for the Netherlands and, given the chance, he would most definitely end the careers of both Lahm and Ballack, so their infighting is kind of pointless. 

Photo: Reuters

"I am most definitely not on a boat."

A loan spell with Tottenham last season helped Eidur Gudjohnsen remember how much he loves the Premier League and now he's permanently left Monaco for Stoke. So why did the former Chelsea and Barcelona man make from the billionaire paradise that is Monaco to, uh, Stoke?

He told Sky Sports:

"Pure football. I could have easily sat on my contract in Monaco and enjoyed the nice weather and looked at the beautiful boats but in the end football is what matters most to me and that's why I took this decision - a very easy one in that perspective."

Sure, sure. We'll see how easy that decision seems when it's raining every day and the only yachts with topless models on them are in your cloudy memory.

Stoke fans should take heart in this statement, though. His desire to focus on football is clear and should help him prove to be an asset. Unless, of course, he's hiding the fact that he's only joining to be closer to Stoke's famous pottery industry, an attraction that proves to be the downfall of many footballers. 

Photo: Reuters

Well, Fabio Capello's interest in Mikel Arteta has come to an abrupt and kind of dumb end. After months (years?) of column inches devoted to the prospect of the uncapped Spaniard joining the England team and both Arteta and Capello coyly flirting with each other, someone finally cracked open the FIFA rule book and discovered that it probably could never happen.

From the Telegraph:

The little known Article 18.1.a within the Fifa statutes outlines that any player who has represented their country in an official competition, at whatever level, would at that time need to have held a passport for the country they later wish to play for in order to be permitted to make the switch.

In Arteta's case, because he played for Spain in the Under-16 European Championships and then in the Fifa World Championships at Under-17 level, the only way he could satisfy the current criteria is if he held a UK passport at the same time.

(Hint: He didn't.) 

So with the fairytale dream of the Everton midfielder joining England to fix all their troubles over and done with, Capello is turning his focus to several other ineligible players. These are some of them:

-Mikel's evil twin brother, Bert

-Cristiano Ronaldo

-Cristiano Ronaldo's next baby

-Francesco Totti

-The entire cast of Jersey Shore

-The Pope

-George Best

-Slyvester Stallone's character in "Escape to Victory"

-This chair he found that has mysterious stains on both sides of the cushion

-And, of course, Chocolate Messi 

Photo: Getty Images

This is apparently from one of the lower divisions in Greece. It starts innocently enough with a sloppy challenge from behind, but once No. 3 in yellow gets sent off with his second yellow card, he decides that he might as well unleash his pent up aggression and assaults the opponent he took down in the first place. That was worth about three or four more red cards and will hopefully ensure that he's not allowed back on the pitch for a long, long time. 

Prior to last season, Jose Mourinho warned Inter fans, "I cannot make miracles -- I am not Harry Potter," before going on to win the treble and promptly leaving for Real Madrid. Now, after a draw against Mallorca to open the season with his new club, Jose would like to remind everyone that he still isn't a magical wizard.

From his interview with AS:

Look, I coach, I'm not Harry Potter. He is magical, but in reality there is no magic. I do not think so. The magic is fiction and I live football, which is real.

He also pointed out that, going back to his days at Porto, his seasons always start with a draw. And then he twitched his nose and turned Rafa Benitez into a frog.  

Photo: Getty Images

All the stuff being covered outside the unfriendly confines of the award-winning Dirty Tackle...

Even jokingly, this probably wasn't the smartest thing for Sky Sports' Andy Burton to say on television. [Mirror Football]

Wigan chairman tells fans that if Martinez goes, he goes too. [BBC]

Mascherano will reveal the truth(!) behind his forced move to Barcelona. [Guardian]

There are no people on the streets of Sao Paulo when Brazil plays. [The Offside]

When will football tackle homophobia? [Pies]

Mario Balotelli isn't the best driver. [The Spoiler]

Apparently one of the best players in MLS isn't enough of a draw. So, KISS. [Press Coverage]

American Pele is going back to Aris. Respect The Adu! [Unprofessional Foul]

Why don't match fixing scandals in football get the same scrutiny as in cricket? [twohundredpercent]

The footballers' alphabet (to which I contributed). [Football and Music]

The Spurs ride looks awful. [Studs Up]