Out of favor Valencia defender Miguel was on the bench during Saturday's 2-0 win over Valladolid while his in-form backup, Bruno, got the start over him. This clearly did not have Miguel in a good mood, because instead of watching the match, he chose to mimic his manager, Unai Emery, and his hyperactive clapping style. Unfortunately for Miguel, the television cameras caught his little performance and now it's causing him even more trouble than his poor form.

Spanish paper Marca reports that could be the final demerit for Miguel and may lead to a summer transfer away from the club. Punishment could also be on the way for Miguel's audience, teammates Alejandro Dominguez and Nikola Zigic, for enjoying the impression so thoroughly. Which would prove once and for all that nobody mocks Unai Emery and gets away with it. Nobody. 

Source: Goal

That's it, I'm call it -- even though there have been no other entries, Franck Ribery wins the wacky underpants competition that none of us knew (or wanted to know) was going on.

Ribery was substituted at halftime of Saturday's Bundesliga match between Bayern Munich and Wolfsburg, but instead of changing out of his warm-ups and into his kit in the dressing room, he opted to do it in the private seclusion of the team bench, in front of 30,000 people and the television cameras.

He did end up scoring what would be the final goal in the 57th minute of Bayern's 3-1 victory, so perhaps having vibrantly colored faces on your underpants is some kind of good luck charm. Who knows. Let's just declare him the winner and hope we never have to see those things again.

Photo: Bild

Udinese beat Napoli 3-1 at home on Sunday, but before the match even started, Napoli fans did some beating of their own.

A group of 30 Napoli ultras arrived at the Stadio Friuli in a van on Sunday armed with clubs and knives and looking for a taste of violence. And as you can see in the video above, they found it -- causing a horrible scene with their Udinese counterparts and police, resulting in seven wounded (including three police officers) and eight arrested.

Meanwhile, the guy on the bike who appears at 1:20 did the smart thing and scampered back where he came from once he realized what the fudge was going on. 

As Japan prepares for the World Cup, they seem to have forgotten one mildly important aspect of the game -- scoring goals. In their last two matches, a friendly against Venezuela and their East Asian championship opener against China, they've failed to score a single goal and their fans have let them know how little they approve by booing them mercilessly. But that's just fine with JFA president Motoaki Inukai, who says:

"I want the supporters to boo their hearts out. It's good for the players."

Yes, it does wonders for their crippling lack of confidence.

Inukai continues:

"We have problems - 180 minutes without a goal.

"If we play like that at the World Cup we don't stand a chance."

Thanks for analysis, Grandmaster Obvious. And here I thought not scoring goals would be surest path to success. Guess I better tell that youth team I coach to disregard everything I've said. Except for the part about how eating an apple a day truly does keep the doctor away forever. No matter how much your ankle hurts.

Photo: Reuters; Source: FourFourTwo

Well hello there.

I see you've caught me looking fancy. ... Yes, this is looking fancy. These clothes are very expensive and fashionable and not at all the "garments of a homeless extra from the television show Three's Company" as you seem to be implying. And no, they don't smell like cheese and old bananas, either. ... Please, just stop saying negative things about my clothing and accept that it is high fashion that you find very attractive, even if I can't seem to get this one button. ... Alright, now I'm going to stop listening to the words you say and assume you're finding me irresistable and not at all smelly...

Anyway, Manchester United -- the club for which I am a bright, shining star -- won this past weekend and it was all thanks to me, The Berba, as I scored a truly fantastic goal. ... Yes, the other team did score three own goals and we won 5-0, but my goal was still very important, because I scored it and it was easily the sexiest goal of the match. Ha-HA! My talent is so great that I can even make an act of athleticism seem erotic and exciting to you, no matter how many times you pretend to dry heave.

But let's not spend all day talking about my fantastic goal-scoring prowess, which even Sir Alex Ferguson himself wishes display itself more often after spending £30 million for it. Let's talk about my partially exposed hairless chest and tantalizingly receding widow's peak. These features are a attractive to you. I know this. And they find you attractive, as well. They say, "I am The Berba's chest and/or widow's peak and I would you to have dinner with me in an expensive restaurant that you pay for out of love for his wonderfulness and ability to scores goals occasionally."

So what do you say? ... Oh-OHHHH! You flicked me right in the exposed part of my chest! Oh, that really hurt! ... Why did you do that? Oh wow, that stings. Oh wow. This dinner you're taking me to better be exceptionally good in order to make up for that. ... Oh, now you're rescinding the dinner invitation I presumed you would offer? ... Great. This has not gone at all how I imagined...

Join us again next time for another chapter in the life of...The Continental...

Photo: Ego Magazine

Saturday's Merseyside derby proved to be more of a collection of rough and ugly play than an actual football match. It started with Jamie Carragher clattering Steven Pienaar soon after the opening kick off and continued from there. Dirk Kuyt, who scored the game's only goal, took a Marouane Fellaini boot to the face (which ended up leaving a mark), Sotirios Kyrgiakos was shown a red card for getting his leg stomped on (also by Fellaini), and Tim Cahill and Lucas tried to conjoin their heads through sheer force.

Steven Gerrard also had a fun day, adding a dive to his collection in the first half, then goring Pienaar in the chest with his studs, and then finally getting Pienaar sent off by clutching his face after getting elbowed in the ribs.

In the end, I think I'd classify this one as a "delightful romp." Like a Matthew McConaughey film. 

Source: 101gg

Out of 10 Premier League appearances, one FA Cup start, and one Carling Cup start, Robinho managed to score just once for Manchester City this season -- the final goal in a 4-2 FA Cup win over Championship side Scunthorpe United -- in what would be his last match before getting loaned back to Santos.

Now, after arriving back at his former club in Brazil (with Pele, on a helicopter, surrounded by inflatable sharks), Robinho has already shown City what they couldn't draw out of him this season.

On Sunday, a day after City lost 2-1 to Hull, Robinho made his debut for Santos as a substitute in the 57th minute of a 1-1 game against Sao Paulo.  In the 85th minute, he reminded everyone why clubs keep thinking he's worth all the trouble he inevitably gives them by scoring a pretty backheel right in front of the goalkeeper's face to win the game.

Somewhere in the offices at Eastlands, Man City executives are watching this YouTube video and saying, "why couldn't he do that for us?!" But with a lot more explatives and a lot more keyboard punching. 

Matt Damon, who is apparently a Tottenham-hating Chelsea fan in addition to being a semi-professional Michael Ballack impersonator, was in attendance at Sunday's Didier Drogba show billed as a match between the Blues and Arsenal. Drogba scored both goals in Chelsea's 2-0 win and almost had a third with a free kick that obliterated the crossbar in the second half. So he now has 12 goals in 12 career matches against Arsenal -- who passed on a chance at signing him 10 years ago because they had Thierry Henry -- and Chelsea have six points and a combined score of 5-0 in their two matches against their London rivals this season.  

Arsenal have also lost twice to Manchester United this season and could face their third Big Four loss in a row to a rejuvenated Liverpool next week. If that happens, Arsene Wenger will probably cry and start talking to a Harrod's mannequin he calls "Thierry Bergkamp."

Highlights (of the match, not Arsene crying) right this way...

Photo: Getty Images

Things are not going well for Paris Saint-Germain. And it's fans are pretty much convulsing with anger. The once great club, which retooled and finished sixth in Ligue 1 last season, is back down to 15th place and has lost its last four matches in a row. In fact, things have gotten so dire that even captain Claude Makelele decided to speak out about his frustrations to the press in the middle of the week.

"The situation has become alarming.

"We're in a critical state. We keep allowing teams to bounce back while we should be bouncing back at their expense.

"We're not focused enough. It's becoming annoying. We keep gifting things to other teams. It's not acceptable.

"It can't get worse than that."

But then it did when PSG lost 3-0 at home to Lorient on Saturday. Obviously, this did not please the already frothing masses at the Parc de Princes, and, as you can see in the video above, they let the players know as the headed for the tunnel after the match.

While most players tried to ignore the verbal fury being hurled their way, Makelele did not. About 0:45 into the video, he stops, convinces the stewards to get out of his way, and calmly approaches the PSG fans who were shouting at him. Though it's not terribly exciting to watch, it's still interesting to see a player interact with angry crowd not by giving them the finger, shouting obscenities right back at them, or trying to physically attack them, but by calmly discussing his point of view in a (seemingly) respectful manner.

Who knows if Makelele was able to accomplish anything with his explanation. That's not the point. By just making the effort he shows how much he cares and what a classy player he is. Also, that he doesn't want this furious mob to follow him home. 

It took him 18 league appearances (11 of which were starts), but Jozy Altidore finally broke his duck in the 31st minute of Hull's impressive 2-1 win over Manchester City on Saturday. Although Hull had not won since November, their form has clearly been on an upswing with a 1-1 draw against Chelsea and now this win over Manchester City in consecutive weeks.

Meanwhile, Hull supporters decided to give Man City's Wayne Bridge -- who made his first appearance in two months coming off a knee injury -- the same reception they gave John Terry last week, taunting him throughout the match. Their treatment of Bridge, which follows Portsmouth fans singing "let's all laugh at Wayne Bridge" (even though they don't have the right to laugh at anyone at the moment) during their midweek match against Fulham, angered City manager Roberto Mancini and probably made Bridge wish even harder that he could live as a unicorn in a candy cane village and never have to deal with fans, footballers, or French lingerie models again.

The matches to watch* after you remember how little Chelsea and Arsenal like each other. And who gets more hate mail, William Gallas or Ashley Cole.

Saturday

Liverpool v Everton at Anfield -- Consider this Merseyside affair a nice warm-up for the derby main event on Sunday. Everton have been playing well, unbeaten in the nine matches since losing 2-0 to Liverpool back in November. Plus, this is Landon Donovan's first taste of this rivalry. Surely he is beyond rum and stoked to unleash a bronsoon on this steez.

Spurs v Aston Villa at White Hart Lane -- A massive head-to-head showdown in the battle for fourth place! Wait, that's actually more exciting than it sounds... 

Barcelona v Getafe at Camp Nou -- OK, so you know which team almost definitely won't lose, but seventh place Getafe should at least give them a good workout, right? Maybe?

Wolfsburg v Bayern Munich at Volkswagen Arena -- Hey, remember when Wolfsburg, who are currently in the bottom half of the table, won the Bundesliga last season? Well, I doubt they can, either, at this point. And this match probably won't jog their memory. But we will see if Arjen Robben can maintain his fine form without his special tights. 

Sunday's matches and our expectedly unexpected video after the jump...

Sunday

Chelsea v Arsenal at Stamford Bridge -- This should be intense. Cranking up the buzz for this typically cataclysmic match-up is the never-ending stream of John Terry related revelations and, of course, the eternal hatred of each side's personal Judas. Arsene Wenger says his side learned a lesson from their loss to Man United. We'll see. Come on, Chels!! 

Fiorentina v Roma at the Artemio Franchi -- Luca Toni called Adrian Mutu stupid. Perhaps Mutu will reply with an "I'm rubber and you're glue" defense. Then Totti can stick his tongue out at both of them. 

Alright, that'll do it. Enjoy the matches (and the Super Bowl). This seems appropriate.

*This isn't a complete run down. Just my arbitrary personal picks.

I like this picture because I have a feeling his school photos looked exactly the same, just minus the ball. Plus, he's waving at me!

Barca paper Sport reports that Ronaldinho nearly fell victim to a Spanish "hacker" who gained access to the Hotmail account listed on his brother/agent's business card (Hotmail account? Really?) by using the "forgotten password" function. From there he was somehow also able to access the email accounts of Ronaldinho's mother and sister, who apparently all have access to the AC Milan star's finances, because from there the email intruder was able to acquire his online banking info and attempted to transfer €800,000 to the account of an accomplice posing as the sister.

Well, despite having insanely valuable banking information in an unsecure email account, Ronaldinho's real sister was able to stop the transaction before the money was gone and now the guy behind this scheme, who goes by "Ewerton CR", is in police custody. And while it's great that they caught the guy, it still seems a few too many people have immediate access to Ronaldinho's money. 

Photo: Reuters; English sources: Goal and Football Italia

Just in case you thought FIFA might have learned something after not doing anything about/refusing to make any changes in the wake of the Thierry Henry handball debacle that still gives the entirety of Ireland night terrors to this day, you're wrong. And charmingly naive.

Friday, Sepp Blatter and his pals announced the list of 30 referees who will be working the World Cup this summer.  One of the names is Martin Hansson -- the man who failed to call the flagrant touch of the ball in November's playoff second leg, which sealed France's entry into the tournament and nearly made the vein in Shay Given's neck explode. 

After the fallout of that game, Hansson was obviously very distraught, but luckily he was able to come out of it, accepting no blame whatsoever. He said:

"I asked myself if this job is worth all the humiliation I had to face.

"Thoughts like, 'Is this really what I want?' also came up in my head. But now I realize, after all the support I've got, that it wasn't my fault. It was an unlucky situation with big consequences for Ireland. But it wasn't our referee team's fault."

Yeah, a complete failure to do your job, but not at all your fault. That's a fun decision. And now he's going to the World Cup. Upon hearing the news, the French national team immediately got to work:

Photos: AP

The Valencia boys had a little fun during a rainy Thursday morning training session with an "impossible goal" competition. Setting up from well past the end line, David Villa, Pablo and Mata all made failed attempts at putting the ball in the net, before Villa stepped up, gave a sly smile, and curved in a beauty.

Not only does this show Villa's exceptional skill, but it also proves that soul patches do, in fact, hold some kind of magical power beyond merely looking ridiculous. 

Video via ONTD